I dive so deeply into days
flooded with motherhood
eyes closed
breath held
that by the time I surface
the dusky light burns my eyes
silence pierces my ears
and my atrophied lungs stutter
starved for oxygen
I tell them to pace themselves
but they are ravenous
in out in out in out
until I am drowning in rest
motherhood
I want to talk about anime, not what I do all day.
I am the shadow of my motherhood.
I am what comes after the stroller,
so that you already know
the shape of me
before you’ve really looked.
I am cast with the waking of the sun,
and warp around demands
much bigger than the mouths
that make them,
stretching and shrinking as needed.
So please excuse my melodramatics
and the volume of my voice
when I talk about politics, science, poetry,
video games, or anything but my kids.
I’m just trying to cast the shape of myself.
Photo by Johny Goerend on Unsplash